Strong boy

Dear Mini-N,

Your daddy said something interesting yesterday when we were out in a bookstore. I was busy looking for books while daddy watched you play with another kid. Daddy said he was heart wrenched when he saw you rejected by another older boy whom you'd badly wanted to play with. The boy told you, "Go away! Go back!" and you looked so sad. Daddy's heart also twisted but daddy did not interfere.

In the car driving back later, I asked daddy why he didn't interfere. He said, "Mini-N must learn to fight back himself. If a boy beats him once, he must learn to stand up to his problems and not walk away. Boys just need to learn that they need to fend for themselves."

Daddy said all he did was to encourage you to stand up to the boy even though he's older and one head taller than you. Daddy said it in full view of the boy's parents and he didn't care. Daddy said, his heart was breaking inside seeing you rejected but as a boy, you just need to learn to fight for what you want and not give up.

I wonder what i would have done. As a mother, i might have just stepped in and asked the boy to play with you. In parenthood, there's always this inner turmoil where we ourselves don't know which is right or wrong. Daddy wants you to be tough. Mommy wants you to be tough and yet sensitive. And some of these decisions, no parenting books can ever teach us.

Good night, my Little One...

Dear Mini-N,

I always tell everyone that you are such a sweetheart when it comes to sleeping. You're 1 month away from 3 years old now but you still sleep in a baby cot. We have a nightly routine where we would read / flip through some books, we would sing some songs and you would drink your milk, then walk yourself to your own cot and climb in. Mommy then has the rest of the night to herself. You are such a darling most of the time.

Tonight however was one of those more difficult nights. You didn't want to sleep with me, you wanted to sleep with auntie (your nanny). You kicked and screamed when i brought you into the room. You screamed for about an hour and finally i gave in and let you go sleep with auntie. At nights like this, I would feel a bit depressed. I wonder if I've been neglecting you and you're bonding more with auntie than with me. I wonder if I'm being such a dull mom that you enjoy sleeping with auntie more than your own mommy.

To be honest, I do feel like the worst mom in the world. Daddy takes care of you on weekends so much better than I and auntie takes care of you on weekdays so much better than I. When i come home from work, i feel so guilty for hiding out in the room surfing the net, putting on a mask or taking a cat nap and not spending time with you. Yet i do secretly crave so much for those alone time everytime i come home from work.

You are sleeping with auntie now. so soundly. You were crying and screaming the whole time when you're in my room tonight refusing everything. You didn't want to drink milk, didn't want to read, didn't want me to switch off the lights.. But the moment i took you to auntie's room, you were such a good boy. Climbed straight into bed and finished all your milk and fell asleep.

I remember you slept with auntie until you were about 10 months old. I should be getting good night's sleep on those months but strangely, i woke up almost every night on those months, thinking that i heard you cry. I'd sit up in the middle of the night in bed and say, "Mini-N's crying!". I'd go over to auntie's room to check on you. Sometimes you would be fast asleep and sometimes you would be really crying. Auntie would be holding you in her arms already by then. I'd stay around until auntie shoos me back to my own room. Tomorrow is another working day.

When you finally slept next to me in your own cot, I still wake up at least twice a night to pull the sheets over you. I have a clock that also shows the temperature of the room. When it gets below 20 degrees, i put a thicker sheet over you and other times, the thinner sheet. Ofcourse there are nights when i was so tired that i slept through the night. When i wake up, I'd find you curled up like a ball with your buttocks pointing to the ceiling. It is so unbelievably cute.

Tonight, mummy will go back to her room and sleep by myself. A little sad to see the empty cot next to me. Good night, my little one. May we get to sleep together in the same room for many years to come.

After 2 weeks of School

Dear Mini-N,

It's been about 2 weeks since you've started school. As expected, you caught some virus from your little friends and fell ill after 1 week of school. After 3 days of MIA, you're back in action again, stronger than before.

In total, you only cried for 5 whopping mornings when being sent to school. Either you're a really brave boy or home is so boring that you can't wait for an escapade. :-)

The day before you started school, your daddy said, "Tomorrow is D day! and it's going to horrible in the next to 2 months". Well, we expected you to kick and scream like a little girl resisting to go to school for at least 2 months. Daddy was listening to horror stories about this little boy who vomited at the gates of the school every morning for half a year before he settled in. But look at you, you were waving me off by the end of the 1st week of school. And when Saturday came, you said to daddy and i, "I want to go to koooooo (means school)" Well done, Mini-N.

And yesterday you even came back with an art piece! Now that is something to remember because it is your very first art piece. When we saw it, we shove it in your face and like all parents, we said, "Oh Mini-N, did you make this? It's sooooo nice!"



You looked like you didn't recognize the art piece at all. Hmmmm.. then daddy and i were amused into thinking that the school teacher probably guided you a bit 'too much' in the making of the art piece. We can just imagine you running helter skelter around the class not being bothered with whatever art time it is and the teacher had to probably do most of the art for you..

Daddy today told me, he feels a bit strange that you're now living a life that we don't know about in detail. Previously you're always at home. We know or we are able to find out at all times, what you did and how you did it and every detail of what you did. It's strange now that you're leading 1 part of your life away from us and the closest thing to finding out how you are in that part of your life is referring to your school timetable and calling the teacher (Auntie Usha).

1st day of School

Dear Mini-N,

Some people say, sending a child to school is like breaking a child. He is born with his own personality, his own ways of living and his own inner sense of what life is about. Then we send him to school and we break through all those things in hope that he will one day conform to society. Just like Ladi Di needs to learn how to manage life as Your Highness in the royal palace. So Mini-N, you were introduced to society on the 1st of July, 2010.

Yesterday, 1st of July 2010, was your first day of school. I just want you to know that the most heart wrenching day of mama's life is also the same day. 1st of July 2010. The principal said it's best we do it tough rough. So she ordered a teacher to take you away to the class upstairs. I wanted to speak to you, to tell you that "Mama will come back, ok? Mama will come back for you! Then we can go home again and you can have ice cream."

But the principal interrupted to say, "Let the teacher take him away fast. It's better for the child."

How you were bawling all the way. You cried, "Mamaaaaa!!!! Auntieeeeee!!! Mama carry! Mama carry!"

All I wanted to do was to bawl as loud as you but the principal started on telling me about the registration and forms and all that. I could hardly concentrate. The principal took me into her office and started explaining about all the rules and regulations of this center and I was only half listening. The other half of me was trying very hard to listen out if you're still crying.

Auntie (your nanny) was running around wildly outside, also trying to find a spot if she can still hear your voice. I could see that Auntie probably also wanted to bawl as loud as you.

After all the long winded talk about school fees and holiday camps, the principal finally let me go upstairs to peep at you. You were standing there with your teacher, not wanting to participate in anything and gasping for breath with all that crying. Poor Mini-N. What have mama put you through?

When we picked you up 1 hour later, both Auntie and I was standing outside at the gates and it seemed to us like it took hours for them to fetch you and unlock all the 20 thousand locks. Poor Mini-N. You were still gasping for breath from the crying and looked a bit disoriented. I picked you up immediately, you were slightly limp and your entire body was cold. Poor Mini-N. Cried so much until you have no more energy.

We got into the car and i said, "Hey Mini-N. Now is time for ice cream!" Just like your mother, you litted up at the thought of food. The journey home was a short one and by the time we reached home, you already sang a whole song by repeating again and again, the word 'ice cream'. Yay! Mini-N is back! But.. but... tomorrow is another school day..

How You Have Grown

These photos says it all...

The Power of the Voice

Dear Mini-N,

Last night mommy decided to 'really' sing to you. As in REALLY sing. . Since you were born, I never thought of really singing to you. I always did some silly songs like, "I love youuuu, You love meeeeeeee, We are happy famileeee" or "Round and Round the Roudabout, Roundabout, Roundabout"...

Last night mommy had a bright idea so I put you on my bed and lied down next to you. Then i sang... I sang, "A dream is a wish your heart makes", the whole song a' la Cinderella style with a bit of falsetto and full set of expressions with slowly fading off effects...etc.. You gave me a very intensed expression while I sang like you were totally captured by my song. When i finished singing, you continued to stare for a second, then you bawled!! You cried so loud that the neighbours must have thought i kicked you or something.

I quickly shove a toy in your face and said, "Oh look at this, Mini-N, a squeeky toy! No more singing ok? No more singing. Only got squeeky toy!... " I desperately squeezed the toy to make squeeky sounds to distract you and when you wouldn't stop crying, I had to pick you up and walk around to comfort you.

Geee, this is the first time someone cried because of my singing and I thought I was good. No choice, I guess we're back to age old songs like, "Round and Round the Roundabout....."... Sigh...

Sexy Baby

This is an older video i finally managed to extract from my video camera. Back to the times when Mini-N was still not too vocal but instead chose to express himself via other means of grunts and baring some chests...