9 Months Privilege Club Membership

Dear Mini-N,

Being pregnant with you is like having subscribed myself into a privilege club with conditions that I give myself up for some scientific experiments. As a club member, I get waited on hand and foot but in return, I have to have uncontrollable and sometimes unexpected weird things happening to my body which I’ve never experienced before.

In my first trimester of being pregnant with you, I expected morning sickness like most other pregnant women in their first trimesters. I didn’t have that but instead, I had to go off my favourite type of food. Meat. I was such a carnivor before I became pregnant but in my first trimester, I became almost vegetarian. The sight or smell of meat repelled me. So you know what, Mini-N, you better be eating all your greens when you are growing up because there must be some part in you that love vegetables since you turned your mommy all weird and all hating meat when she conceived you.

My second trimester marked the months of the asthma attacks. Who would expect my childhood asthma to come back with a vengeance in my 2nd trimester with my first child? The nights of wheezing and discomfort, the days of gasping desperately for air during short walks. And the most infamous and unforgettable, the night daddy used mosquito spray in the bedroom was the night mommy thought she was not going to make it. Her lungs almost completely shut down, her miracle inhaler and asthma pills didn’t work. Every intake of air was not enough, her heart was palpitating, the vein in her eyes became red, she started throwing up, and at the same time, she was just thriving and thriving for more air. Daddy sent mommy to the hospital crying, because she thought she was going to die. And if she didn’t die, she didn’t know what the lack of oxygen would do to you. Thank God she survived to tell the story today. The doctor sent her to a chest specialist and since then, she was put on a long term asthma control medication until you come to this world. Lack of oxygen is a serious problem for pregnant women. Oh yes, and not forgetting, morning sickness finally kicked in.

Having said all that, mommy have just entered her 3rd trimester with you. This week you are 28 weeks in your mommy’s womb and you weigh 1.4kg when you’re only suppose to be 1.2kg. Dr Tang says you’ll grow to be an 8 pounder at least when you’re born in November. Yes, you’re on your way to be that big baby you’ve always promised to be. With my asthma under control, I feel much better now although I am carrying a big load of something with me everywhere I go. Through the scan last Saturday, we saw a bit of your face and daddy said you look like me. When I told por por that, she said, “Oh no! Look like you! I was hoping he’ll look like the father.. Oh no! Oh no! Sat pai lor! Sat pai lor! (failed already)!”…. As you can see, your future grandparents are an honest bunch of people…

Meanwhile, life in the club besides having all these weird and unexpected things happening to my body, it also feels like having just signed up for membership in a privileged club. As a club member, I get

1) A box of freshly cut fruits to bring to work daily. The chef gets up early every morning to cut the fruits up to be put in a little container while mommy is showering and getting ready for work. Not a day has gone where the chef missed his delivery.

2) Mommy’s clothes getting mysteriously mended on their own. As you can see from the picture below, the mysterious tailor behind it is obviously not very skilled with his stitches. I wonder who that might be.



3) From time to time, I get Santa’s surprise gifts in manners just as mysterious as the clothes being mended by the secret tailor above.





4) On top of all that, I also get free white-male solo Indonesian dance and entertainment performances when my raging hormones get me down and depressed.. First moves similar to the one as pictured below.



5) And last but not least, I get also the free vocals that talks and sings to my belly every night. Apparently, he speaks in dutch because it is a father and son secret thingy.

Once he spoke in English, I saw him look at my breasts and then said to my belly, “It looks kinda small but I think there should be enough for you.”.

He then pauses as if listening to my belly and then said, “No, no, the milk doesn’t come in a chilled mug. She is saying you have to drink it from a bottle”

So there you go, something about mommy’s life in the club being pregnant with you. Today I asked daddy, what his priority will be once our baby is born? He said, “My priority will be to spend as much time with you and the baby. What is yours?”

To that I said, “Oh, lose weight and look pretty, ofcourse”… muahahahaaaa… You already know from here who’s going to be bathing and changing your diapers later on… And how all the other mothers will shake their heads seeing me say that.

Well, I INSIST on including the beauty package in the last part of my club membership. I was looking at the mirror this morning, I look like a real lard head now ok, I GOTTA have that beauty package at the end. Look at the size of that thing. And I am only on my 28th week!