Good night, my Little One...

Dear Mini-N,

I always tell everyone that you are such a sweetheart when it comes to sleeping. You're 1 month away from 3 years old now but you still sleep in a baby cot. We have a nightly routine where we would read / flip through some books, we would sing some songs and you would drink your milk, then walk yourself to your own cot and climb in. Mommy then has the rest of the night to herself. You are such a darling most of the time.

Tonight however was one of those more difficult nights. You didn't want to sleep with me, you wanted to sleep with auntie (your nanny). You kicked and screamed when i brought you into the room. You screamed for about an hour and finally i gave in and let you go sleep with auntie. At nights like this, I would feel a bit depressed. I wonder if I've been neglecting you and you're bonding more with auntie than with me. I wonder if I'm being such a dull mom that you enjoy sleeping with auntie more than your own mommy.

To be honest, I do feel like the worst mom in the world. Daddy takes care of you on weekends so much better than I and auntie takes care of you on weekdays so much better than I. When i come home from work, i feel so guilty for hiding out in the room surfing the net, putting on a mask or taking a cat nap and not spending time with you. Yet i do secretly crave so much for those alone time everytime i come home from work.

You are sleeping with auntie now. so soundly. You were crying and screaming the whole time when you're in my room tonight refusing everything. You didn't want to drink milk, didn't want to read, didn't want me to switch off the lights.. But the moment i took you to auntie's room, you were such a good boy. Climbed straight into bed and finished all your milk and fell asleep.

I remember you slept with auntie until you were about 10 months old. I should be getting good night's sleep on those months but strangely, i woke up almost every night on those months, thinking that i heard you cry. I'd sit up in the middle of the night in bed and say, "Mini-N's crying!". I'd go over to auntie's room to check on you. Sometimes you would be fast asleep and sometimes you would be really crying. Auntie would be holding you in her arms already by then. I'd stay around until auntie shoos me back to my own room. Tomorrow is another working day.

When you finally slept next to me in your own cot, I still wake up at least twice a night to pull the sheets over you. I have a clock that also shows the temperature of the room. When it gets below 20 degrees, i put a thicker sheet over you and other times, the thinner sheet. Ofcourse there are nights when i was so tired that i slept through the night. When i wake up, I'd find you curled up like a ball with your buttocks pointing to the ceiling. It is so unbelievably cute.

Tonight, mummy will go back to her room and sleep by myself. A little sad to see the empty cot next to me. Good night, my little one. May we get to sleep together in the same room for many years to come.